2021.06.06 Amenoum (Mario Ljubičić) On my self. /authors/Amenoum.html#credits The book of life
Evolution of my self through incarnation 33
Introduction I am not a guy who likes to talk about his self, but the purpose of this biography is not to present my self to other people. There is a good possibility I am going to die at the age of 50±2 and therefor incarnate once more on the surface on Earth (living up to the age of ≈35). Thus, I am writing this primarily for my self in that person (and this too to some extent), so that person can recognize its self in this person and learn more about the past of its self. However, at least some information here might be of some value to others too. Destiny While I was working on CR and The Solar System I kept telling people I'm writing a scientific paper but they kept saying I am writing a book. I didn't get the meaning of that then, but now I came to realize that I will have to write a book after all. So, here it is. The numbers Here are the numbers I have either often encountered while developing my theories (both in theory itself and in synchronicity events), daily tasks, or have found of elevated significance:
13, 23±1, 33, 43±2, 53, 66±3.
These numbers are not random, they are correlated with the configuration of the local universe (Solar System). Due to increase in global synchronicity, these numbers may be appearing more often in synchronicity events globally. After I have realized that nothing is absolutely random and that evolution of life and environment on Earth is as scripted as a development of a human embryo, one should not be surprised that some numbers appear more often than others, although each sequence is specific to the species of a universe. Interesting, but unsurprising to me - this book had exactly 33 pages after I was finished adding this chapter while the file itself was 53 KB in size. The early days I was born on September 1st, 1981 in Slavonski Brod, Croatia, but I lived in Sibinj, a nearby village where my parents had a home. Naturally, I don't remember much of my early childhood, but I do remember things of high impact. One time my father took me to a nearby lake called Petnja. I was about 6 or 7 years old. While I was in the water playing with another kid, my father went away for a moment to talk with his friend. I had that inflatable swimming belt around me, but, during play, somehow it inverted and my head ended up in the water while my legs were up in the air. The other kid didn't really understand what was happening, he was laughing at his joke and no one suspected there's something wrong. But somehow an older woman lying nearby noticed this and managed to pull me up before it was too late. Another significant thing I remember was when I got my first computer - C64. I think I was 8 or 9 years old. I really enjoyed playing games on that thing, but I was most interested in how these games were made. I was trying to do some programming on it, but the interface it comes with was very basic and limited, so not much could be done. This changed, perhaps two years later, when my father bought a 386 desktop machine for work. It was love at first boot for me. I don't think he did much work on it, certainly not much compared to how many hours I've spent coding stuff and playing games. I have also spent significant portion of my childhood at my grandma's (from mother's side) place. I had good time there, and I'll never forget the plum-filled dumplings grandma used to make, still the best I ever tasted. I remember that during one period of my childhood I didn't like to be photographed. Every time someone would try to take a photo of me I would burst into tears and turn my back on him. Naturally, there aren't many photos of me during that period and those that do exist don't show my face, only my back. For a long time I couldn't figure out why was I reacting in that way and what was the meaning of it. But it's clear to me now that this was the expression of a crossover instinct - in some of my past lives my soul was in an animal sensitive to light but it was occasionally exposed to bright flashes of light, someone might have been taking pictures of it, perhaps regularly, and it hurt. Another interpretation of light sensitivity
I have another interpretation of this (although both are likely true). Recently, I'm having problems with my eyes while being outside on sunny days. Every time I go out on a sunny day my eyes start closing and it becomes very hard to use them. Initially, I thought this was related to another issue - a tiny fragment of metal got recently incorporated (or glued) to my right eye causing eyesight issues, however, since both eyes are affected by the presence of the Sun and considering that I do not have any issues anymore while indoors (or outdoors at night) even when looking at sources of light (such as light bulbs and computer screens), I believe the two phenomena are not strongly related, rather synchronized. I thus consider my childhood fear of exposure to bright light as a precursor to this, and this as a precursor to sensitivity to frequencies of sunlight in a close future incarnation - real homo.sapiens. Considering that homo.sapiens should be living in Earth's mantle, and if, as hypothesized, it lives in dark illuminated by bio-luminescence, such precursor is not surprising. This should thus be a relatively permanent phenomena, however, the sensitivity will likely still strongly oscillate in this incarnation and at times I should have no issues on sunny days. As I am not the only one evolving into homo.sapiens, with time, more and more people should be experiencing the same.
It should not be uncommon for children to produce such reactions, so if your child reacts unexpectedly to something, it would be good to respect its choice rather than force it to do something it doesn't like, it will eventually pick up more human-like behavioral characteristics, although it is possible for some instincts to survive even to adulthood. In case of children however, another possibility exists too - if the radius of a soul in a conarium of the brain grows (growth = slow motion inflation) with the conarium (which should be the case) then, since this radius is correlated with soul's frequency of oscillation, a child might be more mentally entangled with other species - those whose soul radius is the same with the current radius of the child's soul. Note that this also implies that children are much more mentally entangled with other children of equal age than they are mentally influenced by adults. The strength of this mental influence is inversely proportional to distance and difference between soul radii. The elementary school Being very calm, extremely introverted and having top grades, I was very different than most kids. That made me a magnet for their frustrations. I was often teased and bullied by those who had troubles at home. I felt safest sitting behind the desk during classes so I usually didn't get up during breaks either, although not even that was safe. There was this one guy who would, during breaks, run back and forth in the classroom, and every time he would pass beside me he would slap me in the head. That didn't hurt a lot, and although it was very annoying, every time he would do that, I smiled back to him. I remember once I was walking alone in the corridor, I saw a kid coming from the other direction, he was a known troublemaker, as he passed me he hit me in the stomach as hard as he could. I was left without air for a while but I just continued walking, bent in pain and with tears in my eyes. There was only one time, when I was in trouble, that someone stepped in to save me - it was an older kid. Over 10 years later, the same kid, now grown man, was employed by my dad to work on carpentry. For a month or two I was also employed there. Seeing how good and hard working this man was, I realized he should have a greater salary, so I asked my parents to increase it. And they did. This had nothing to do with the fact he saved me from pain ten years ago - that would be wrong and that was not in my mind at the time, he deserved more money. But ain't it interesting, how karma works?
Some time later, this man drowned at the same lake and very close to [if not at the same] spot I almost drowned as a kid. I wasn't saved by luck then, what happened to me was a relative precursor to his drowning. Unconsciously from my perspective, but by the program of the local universe, I marked the spot where he would drown.
People usually say you should fight back to bullies, but that was impossible for me, I didn't like fighting and hurting others, and I am glad I did not. Why would I fight if there is karma? Most of these kids were probably punished at home even before they punished me. Look at Earth - did Earth react when people started abusing it? No, it took a lot of years for a karmic reaction, but it is here and it will be huge. But also not by Earth's conscious intention to destroy people (although Earth does have consciousness) - it will be a reaction of Earth's immune system. High school At the end of elementary school I was fed up with the abuse and I saw high-school as an opportunity to change this, so I made a conscious decision to stop studying so much. I decided to decrease grades and try to hide my differences in order not to get abused. So that's what I did. Based on my grades from elementary, my parents wanted me to enter the best school available. But since I had a plan to fail, I wanted to go to a school that will not be the worst but not the best one either. So I signed up for technical school. The parents didn't argue much because this was still a good school and if I would have good grades I shouldn't have a problem entering college later. But instead of caring for grades, at this point, I was more into things that I was really interested in. I was usually studying only as much as needed not to fail the class and I even started making fun of teachers which was well received by other kids. Being introverted, this was not easy for me to do, but I still felt I had no choice but to do it. No one realized I was faking stupidity and I wasn't going back to real me. I couldn't believe it, but people, including my parents, were actually associating high grades with high intelligence - they thought I just got dumber after elementary school. But even though I wasn't studying much, on occasion I would get a high grade from math or something similar - subjects for which I didn't really have to learn much to know. This was confusing to others, including teachers. I remember once I got a top grade, the teacher accused me of cheating and I had to take the test again, but not on paper this time, rather on board in front of her. Reluctantly, she confirmed my grade as deserved. I might have solved the problem of abuse, bud I didn't solve the problem of suffering. I could never be happy faking things and my parents were very hard on me because of low grades and expression of this behavior. Often, when my parents would pick me up after school, my father always had some place, some meeting to go, before we would go home. He would park the car somewhere and say he will be back in 5 minutes or so. It never was 5 minutes, it was always a couple of hours. My mom didn't complain, I guess because dad was earning good money at the time. She was used to it and always had something to read with her. But this was very hard for me, all I wanted after school was to get home and do what I actually want to do. But I didn't complain either, I almost never did. My sister was rarely with us in this kind of situations.. probably because she would complain a lot. But if I don't complain that does not mean I'm ok with it - I just don't like to complain, for the same reason I do not like to fight. Regardless, my parents didn't care for my feelings, especially now that my grades were below their expectations. Being extremely introverted, when I would be out with friends, I usually had to drink a lot in order to relax and be able to participate in social (extroverted) interactions. I had a long hair and occasionally someone would call me Jesus, based on my appearance. Things I liked to do During high-school, things I enjoyed, more or less, were listening and playing music, hanging out with friends and computer games. But what I was really passionate about was computer programming. Very early on, I was into cracking - making patches, keygens and similar stuff for cracking groups, and hacking - breaking into major ISP's and hosting providers, but I didn't do much damage, it was all for excitement and learning. This was indeed a true passion - glued to the screen I would often skip lunch ignoring the pain in the stomach, and my sleeping habits often resembled those of a bat. It was not uncommon for me to sleep with my head on a school desk whenever that was possible. After high-school, my interest for cracking and hacking was soon gone, but my passion for programming remained. The love story At the end of high-school, we traveled to Lorret de Mar, a coastal town in Catalonia, as part of our last high-school excursion. I never was in a relationship before, but I had strong feelings for one girl from the class for quite some time now. And since this was probably my last chance to do something about it, somehow I managed to ask her out. We went to a local bar near the beach and sat by the table in the back. She was sitting opposite to me. I believe we were drinking tequila, and even so, it took some time for the first kiss, perhaps because she had to initiate it, as up to that point I had no experience and was still shy around her. She put a lemon in her mouth and suggested me to take a bite, so that's how our first French kiss started. After we were done, all people in the bar started cheering and clapping hands looking at us. Confused, we looked at the bartender and he said we were kissing for half an hour. It was some kind of a record I guess. Of course, we were not under the impression it was that long. Smiling, we left the bar and started walking by the beach. Sure enough, there was a guy with roses, and soon enough, I was a guy buying roses, for her. Hugged, we continued to an old castle by the sea and sat on the staircase there beneath the open sky, looking at the sea. The night was calm. At one point, she fell asleep in my lap. Everything was perfect.. a moment for forever. Some time later my leg started to hurt and soon went numb. But I couldn't do anything, I didn't want to disturb her and wake her up. A couple of hours later she woke up. It took a while before I could walk again, she felt sorry, but I don't remember the pain I remember love, the happiness I felt. Some might say I sacrificed myself here, but there is no sacrifice in true love, where all such pain has no choice but to be imaginary. Sacrifice is real when you remember pain and have no choice but to forget love. This love was not to forget, and even though we broke up a couple of years later, I had no regrets, apart from me being stupid enough to break it. But that's how it had to be. I eventually got married with someone else and she did too. I spent 10 years in marriage with a woman I thought I loved but it probably was true love only for a couple of moments in every hour. It's strange but I think I actually love her more now that we're not together. Not in a way that I'd like to be with her again, but I love her as a person and a mother of my child, someone I shared history with and who had some influence on me. But these two relationships are a good example of karmic actions and reactions. In the first one, my love was at first surprised I want to be with her - other girls were interested in me and she thought she was not good enough for me, that I will get bored with her eventually. I thought that was nonsense and it was very obvious I wasn't interested in anyone but her. But two years later that's what has happened. Some time later I wanted us to get together again but she needed time, we went out of sync in our feelings and it failed. In my second relationship, at the beginning I was now acting somewhat surprised and I told my wife she will leave me eventually. I didn't really know why I said that, but she thought that was nonsense. It was indeed obvious she was only interested in me at the time, but ten years later, that's what happened. Some time later she wanted us to get back together again but I needed time, we went out of sync in our feelings and it failed. My parents did not approve my 1st relationship, because of religious differences, or at least that's what they said. I was a forced roman catholic and she was of a religion typically associated with our neighboring country - one we were at war with recently. They were concerned what people would say if we would get married. I couldn't understand that - how can someone's opinion be more important than our happiness? Of course I ignored their opinion and that was just another moment when a certain amount of feelings was lost for my parents. During my education, my mother was always concerned with my grades due to a fear of wasting money and talent, while my father was concerned with how my grades affect his pride and reputation. They didn't have any interest in my feelings. So, naturally, a lot of my feelings for them was lost over the years. They did care for me very well, but they didn't love and respect my nature, at least not for the first 35 years. But that's how it had to be. The faculty After high-school I definitely wanted to go to a college, but not just any college, I wanted to go to FER (Faculty of Electrical Engineering and Computing) in Zagreb. This was [and still is] one of the most prestigious faculties in Croatia so it was really hard to get in with low grades from high-school. At first I didn't make it, so I entered Faculty of Mechanical Engineering in Slavonski Brod (my father has a master's degree in mechanical engineering). I have finished the first year of courses there but this was not what I wanted so I tried to get in FER again, and this time I have succeeded. Eventually I got married and started working so the faculty was not a priority and it took 10 years to finish it and attain a master's degree in computer science and engineering. While there I would often choose more courses for a year than I was obliged, so at the end I had more ECTS points than people usually have. I was very interested in physics, some of the courses I chose were Material Physics (effectively a synonym for Quantum Mechanics) and Deterministic Chaos, which I thought would be helpful in understanding the Universe (at that time I still believed in one universe). The boy called Terran = planet zvani Vedran My son was born 2003.11.23. A perfect child. I don't remember him ever crying or complaining, even when injured. Maybe he did not have much to complain about but he deserved all the attention considering the purity radiating from his soul. I have often associated him with Earth, myself with Mars and his mother with Venus. This turned out to be very appropriate (I figured I do have roots in Mars) and helped a lot with the development of my theories. In the beginning, she was cold inside and hot outside and I was appropriately cold outside while burning inside. We were synchronized, became strongly entangled and gave birth to this child. But form that point on, we were slowly getting out of sync, distant, and this child was all that kept this marriage alive. But even he could not be all-mighty, so eventually, with no other kids, we had to part, remaining only weakly entangled at distance through the elongated fossilized ways of strong entanglement. Overall, this boy was, like most boys on Earth, from the beginning closer to his mother than his father. At this point Earth spends 2 times more time closer to Venus than to Mars, but most of the time it is closest to the Sun, as all planets. Some might say the closest planet to all planets most of the time is Mercury, but these planets don't see Mercury, they're surely not influenced by it as much. To the planets - Sun, the major soul of the Solar System, is most important. By the analogy, in the context of life on Earth, the planet Earth, being most of the time closest to us, should be most important to us. And yet, at this point, people are destroying what is most important to them. I believe I love Earth, the same as I love my child. But I cannot know I love them the way they want to be loved if I don't care to understand their language, expecting for words to be written or spoken in mine.
One should never force communication though. I see people today trying to communicate with whales. Well, what makes you think a whale would want to communicate with you, especially after centuries of torture? I wouldn't in their place. Your convenient assumption that these creatures do not suffer, communicate, learn and remember - was, like most of your convenient assumptions, wrong. Even your assumption that you are smarter was wrong. They are far more intelligent, they're just introverted. But, of course, like in all things human, there is irony to this absurdity. A soul cannot be destroyed. With decreasing population of whales, their souls are binding with bodies of increasing population. With increasing human population, undoubtedly, souls of wild animals are binding with tamed human bodies. The souls, being more evolved and intelligent, help human bodies to evolve. One such soul is in me, and most likely in all those people trying to save the wild, including whales. Before you try to communicate and force anyone to obey your laws, it would be good to consider a possibility for a moment - that maybe these wild animals, including wild people, insluding some behind UFO phenomena, don't want to communicate with you, they just want to be left alone. Perhaps they want for Earth too to be left alone, because that's what Earth probably wants now too.
I don't want to be cancer or any kind of disease for them. That is one of the reasons why I constantly change, I change through constant learning about these universes. Those that revolved around me, may still revolve or are yet to revolve around me. But also those I happen to revolve about, was revolving or may revolve about. I do not believe Mars and Venus will loose their child to cancer. The cancer from Earth will be gone, one way or the other. I am convinced that very soon, Mars will temporarily polarize while Earth will neutralize in natural progression. Sure, one can interpret this as an invitation by Mars, for cancer to leave his child alone and destroy him instead. It's possible that Venus' surface too will become hospitable for homo.beta for the same reason. However, I do not like that interpretation. I want to believe that Earthlings will, even if for the first time, visit other worlds for exploration, study and symbiosis, rather than exploitation under disguise of exploration. The jobs and works I have earned my first money in high-school. It wasn't much but it was earned over internet, something still uncommon at the time. My first serious work started some time during faculty and after I got married. I have worked for a couple of years as a freelancer, and, while I was very successful, this was very stressful so I gave up eventually to work on projects for myself. I have created a website called RapidSearchEngine (RSE), it was a search engine used to search for files hosted on Rapidshare - a major file hosting/sharing provider at the time. The engine was producing quality results and its popularity grew quickly - at its peak it was, according to Alexa, among 3000 most popular sites in the world, and with 150k daily visitors it was worth millions. The site itself was not illegal (I was receiving DMCA requests daily for link removal, but I was complying with them, just like Google does) but my initial domain name had the term rapidshare in it which was a registered trademark. This didn't went unnoticed by Rapidshare which threatened to sue me, although it was clearly stated on the website that I am in no way affiliated with them so people don't get confused. Eventually they only tried to take away the domain name from me, and they succeeded. After that, I tried running the website under a different domain, but things changed and I never managed to fully recover from the loss. While Rapidshare was dying, the file hosting services were exploding and eventually I have built a website called Sharedir, another search engine, similar to old one, but with support for multiple file hosting services. However, it was not possible anymore to maintain the quality of results on my own so this website was never as successful as RSE. Later I have incorporated a service which would enable downloading of files from multiple hosts with a single account. That had some success, but it required a lot of maintenance work, even after I made it as automated as possible. Eventually, I have lost motivation for work on such websites, and around the age of 35, as I was beginning to transform, I decided to shut everything down.
Up to the age of 36, all the money I have earned was earned from home. A relative precursor to all people working from home. First, during pandemics, but later, full time.
I still had to earn money, so I applied for and got a job in IT department of a national library NSK (Nacionalna i Sveučilišna Knjižnica) in Zagreb. I found a small apartment in Zagreb and started working there in February, 2017. Although the IT department was, unsurprisingly, in a basement (while I liked the British IT Crowd show, you'd expect the respect for IT would be higher in 21st century), the place was not a bad place for work. People were very nice and, apparently, they never had a programmer like me before - one that can and will do whatever asked to do and do it professionally. Pretty soon they actually begged me not to leave. I did not want to disappoint them, but somehow I knew, someday I will. While I was working in Zagreb, as soon as I could, perhaps 3 out of 4 weekends, I was traveling back to Sibinj just so I could see my son who was now living mostly at his mother's or grandmother's house. During these visits I was staying at the house of my parents. I would spent a lot of time thinking about the universe and very soon I started working on Complete Relativity. For as long as I know myself I had this skin allergy. Its symptoms were reddish itching circles on the skin. A couple of times I have asked doctors to help with my allergy. They couldn't tell what I was allergic to and they could only prescribe some generic pills. It was very annoying so I tried to discover myself what it is but without success. I was just adding stuff I'm not allergic to to the list - it was not seasonal so I was not allergic to pollen, I ruled out food, fabric, fabric softeners, detergents, shampoos and pretty much everything physical. Even before I started working in Zagreb, I have noticed some psychological transformation was happening to me. This only intensified in Zagreb. I was constantly witnessing the events of synchronicity and guidance to problem solutions. I soon realized everything has to be connected. I was often working on one problem, couldn't solve it, be guided to concentrate on something else and then find the solution there. One day somehow I was under the impression that I need a particular plant for an experiment. I was in the middle of a town and I really had no idea where I could find it so by tomorrow I forgot about it. The next day, for some reason I decided to go driving - I did not know where I was going, randomly turning left and right, I finally arrived at a hill in front of the woods. I liked woods so I parked the car and started following the path into the woods. The atmosphere was great there and the walk was really enjoyable. I didn't walk far, when I saw the plant by the road - the one I was looking for two days ago. But I didn't pick up the plant, I didn't know what I'm supposed to do with it. Only now I see, the experiment started a couple of days ago and ended with me finding the plant. Then one day I noticed I don't feel hunger anymore, this lasted 10 days for sure, maybe even two weeks. I didn't change anything physically, I was still going to work as usual, so it was baffling to me why I was not feeling any need for food. I forced my self to eat a small piece of toast every day because I thought that I may be sick even though I didn't feel sick. The allergy however was raging and one day during that time I decided to start ignoring it no matter how hard it would itch. At one point I found myself naked and meditating. The next day, allergy was gone and didn't return for the next 4 years. After one year of working in Zagreb I was thinking of quitting the job so I could fully concentrate on Complete Relativity and the Solar System analysis. I was sick of life in the city and the stress it was creating - hearing the yelling of neighbors upstairs and their dog running through their apartment, the sirens, the crowds and traffic. Everything seemed so unnecessary but always so present. I took a month of vacation, left the apartment and moved back to Sibinj. I wasn't planning to go back but I realized it was too early and after a month I had to go back. I went straight to work. I didn't have the apartment anymore and I did not want to search for another one. So after work, I just drove to the nearby mountain, found a nice place where I parked and stayed for the night. It was far from traffic and far from people, I felt great and I didn't want to leave. I figured if I stay here I could afford to see my kid more often, I'm gonna be more healthy and free of slaving to the apartment. So, pretty quickly, it was easily decided that this will be my place of residence in Zagreb from now on. There was a spring nearby with a fresh cold water where I would refresh myself every morning before work, the neighborhood was alive, friendly and pleasant and non-intrusive, the living room was open and enormous and I could urinate in it without flushing precious water. And even though it was not so comfortable sleeping in the car for the first 6 months, I had a clear view of the stars while lying down. This was heaven compared to apartments and I soon started wondering what the hell is wrong with the world - you're destroying this so you could build apartments and stay sick? I often imagined the town being destroyed by earthquakes and I felt strong desire for that to happen - because it was causing stress for people, for all life on Earth and Earth itself. The place where I lived was quite elevated (I later realized it's exactly 666 meters from sea level) so the winter was harsh at moments. But I always loved winter and its atmosphere. Though my body was freezing at times, the energy, the sounds and everything - it was magical. And, for the same reason I didn't feel I sacrificed my leg in Lorret de Mar, the cold weather here couldn't hurt this love at all. Staying at that place where I was isolated from people, surely had to affect my soul, and could be one of the reasons why my allergy stayed away. However, I knew one day I'm gonna quit my job and this will end. Over time I have realized that the root of evil for me on this world is in the government so eventually I decided to quit supporting it. I didn't renew the registration of my car, but I knew I will be pulled over eventually so I decided this will be the day when I quit my job. Finally, one Friday, 2019.03.22, while I was driving to Sibinj, the terrorists in blue tried to stop me. I wasn't driving very fast, but it was a long straight road and, normally, I was driving a little over the limit. A blue terrorist ambushed me waving frantically with his stick implying that I should pull over and stop so he can take my money. I was really annoyed by these people, I knew they're just another form of tax collectors, so I ignored his request and just continued on my way. I wasn't trying to escape, I think I even slowed down a little. Some time later, a police car with its bells and whistles rushed behind me. I ignored them again, I just wanted to go home to see my son. At times they would go into the lane beside me and wave frantically trying to make me stop, I guess. Finally, I arrived into a small city (Nova Gradiška) and had to stop on a zebra crossing. They took the opportunity and forced me to park and get out of the car. At first they acted angry but I started yelling at them immediately. This was strange, because I never yelled in public before. They were shocked, they obviously weren't used to such a reaction from someone who is not a criminal - they've surely checked my info before they pulled me over. I told them the uprising will come and that they will have to chose whose side they're going to be on. I could see the guy who was writing a ticket was so scared he was shivering. He asked me to take down my license plates, but I refused and he began taking them down himself. Being shocked and all, this wasn't so easy for him, so eventually I ripped them off and threw away. It took some time for them to write the statement and all, but after they were done I just took it all along with my ID and threw it into a trashcan beside them. I had no plans to use or renew my ID anyway. From now on, I am not a number, I am a free man. I drove home and never returned to my job again. On Sunday, 2020.03.22, exactly 1 year after I left, a strong devastating earthquake hit Zagreb. The epicenter was just a kilometer away from my place 666. I'm still waiting for the big one though - one with the epicenter at my place 666. The return to Sibinj = the return to insanity The Friday I left my job was a horrible day before I came home, but it didn't end there. This was also to be the first Friday I was going back and won't get to see my son. As I neared home I called him as usually to arrange the pickup. He didn't answer so I thought he'll call later as he usually does when he doesn't answer right away. This time he didn't. After a couple of hours, I tried contacting his mom but she didn't respond either. It was becoming late so I drove up to her home anyway. The front gate was locked and they don't have a bell so I knocked on window bars trying to reach someone. A waited awhile but there was no response and I went home. I figured it's probably not a big deal and someone will call me tomorrow. But some time later her brother, generally a reasonable man, calls me and starts yelling and threatening me. I really was not in the mood to talk with anyone let alone argue with him so eventually he calmed down. But he asked what's happening with me and mentioned people talking I'm insane, sleeping in my car and stuff. So I figured what the issue was, but I didn't feel like explaining my actions so I just told him that's just people talking and asked him if he could arrange for someone to call me tomorrow. He agreed. No one called tomorrow but I didn't mind now that I got a response knowing that my child is all right. Eventually my son called me, and I don't know what they were telling him, but he was obviously stressed. I really wanted to be with him at that moment, but I didn't ask for it as I wasn't sure how his mom would react and risk him suffering even more. So I just told him everything will be ok, I love him and he has nothing to worry about. I told him I'm not going back to Zagreb anymore, I will be working from home again and he can come anytime it becomes possible for him to come. I've witnessed before how local people, people I grew up with, can be horrible, but this was too much - they touched my son. This can't and won't be forgiven by the universe. That day I stopped caring for almost everyone here and I decided to be very careful with what I'm communicating to local people. Free speech banned. Even though I knew it would be best for me just to alienate myself and stop communicating completely with them, I was sure people here wouldn't react positively to that. So in order not to risk the negative effect on relationship with my son I chose not to do so, at least for a couple of years until my child grows up. Once again, these barbarians were forcing me not to be different. They were still not aware of the karma operator - if you force one to be different, you will become different by force. However, it should be noted that I do not consider myself a victim and my troubles undeserving - everything that happened to me was the operation of the same operator. The return of allergy = the return of humanity After 4 years, the allergy was back. One might say I was never even cured from it because allergies do tend to disappear from time to time. I disagree. Something deep had happened to keep me free from it for 4 years - there were times before when it would go away, but it was never for this long, it was never more than a year if it ever was a full year. Eventually I started noticing that alcohol has a positive effect - every time I got drunk symptoms disappeared and only started appearing slowly the next day, increasing in intensity as I was getting sober. This was very interesting because I was told that alcohol has a negative effect on allergies. While I was working on CR, I have managed to define what a soul is, and how big and where the Earth's soul was. By analogy, I have found that the location of a human soul [or at least the soul of a human brain] is in the conarium (pineal gland) at the center of a brain. This soul is spherical or two-dimensional when fully polarized, but, in any case, its radius (or its radii if split and not strongly localized) is oscillating so it must be absorbing and emitting radiation of certain scale. The radius of a soul is correlated with its energy level, which is different between species (during reincarnations between multiple species the soul is changing its energy level), but for individuals of the same species it is roughly the same, so these individuals are in resonance and their souls exchange information through channels of entanglement. Unlike other parts of the brain, the conarium is not separated from blood and CSF (cerebro-spinal fluid) by the blood-brain barrier - it is suspended in a mixture of blood and CSF. So both conarium and the soul within can be affected by whatever it is in the blood. Thus, some substances, such as alcohol, can affect the conarium and indirectly (if not directly) the radius of the soul. If this radius is increased it will slow down time for the individual, if it is decreased it will accelerate time - but not only that, with a change in oscillation frequency the individual will get out of resonance with other individuals of the species. This is how I found the source of my allergy - humanity. When I'm drunk, my soul is out of sync with polarized humans and cannot be influenced by them. Thus, my immune system doesn't react - there is no damage usually caused by humanity. I have been saying, very often, that humanity makes me sick. Now I know that was literally true all along. The cure I never was an alcoholic nor I could ever enjoy being constantly drunk so I had to find a proper cure. That might mean the humanity will have to go away or I'm gonna have to isolate myself from it - unless this is a temporary fluctuation of a soul from a stable energy level where the soul is immune to polarization. A level my soul was elevated to 4 years ago. However, as ionic content of blood affects the polarized component of the soul, the solution could be in the change of blood pH factor. The alcohol, affecting kidneys, indirectly affects the concentration of phosphate ions which usually balance ions of other minerals (salts). So alcohol indirectly affects the pH factor of blood, making the pH higher and blood more alkaline. Drinking alcohol thus makes blood less electrically polarized. I have previously hypothesized that soul strongly couples to a blood type. If electric polarization of blood is mirrored (synchronized) with the electric polarization of the soul (likely anti-hydrogen ions of somewhat smaller scale) - then it will affect the resonance. It might not affect the frequency of oscillation significantly but, with the reduction in voltage, it should reduce the intensity (power) of absorbed radiation - making the organism effectively less sensitive to mental radiation of other individuals. This reduction in signal power subdues and, upon reaching certain threshold, even eliminates the reaction of the immune system and subsequent production of allergic symptoms. I have also previously hypothesized that real homo.sapiens has more acidic blood. While that should be valid for homo.sapiens.polarized it might not be true for homo.sapiens.neutralum. Note that, even if homo.sapiens might be more polarized than homo.beta, that does not make it cancerous - it is the content of mental radiation that makes the difference. In conclusion, the 4 year long absence of allergy in my case should be correlated with one, more, or most likely all of these in synchronization (synchronicity): And now that I know what to visualize, I should be able to block the allergy through meditation, although meditation likely can't induce permanent changes unless one can meditate while doing other stuff, like some animals apparently can.
Radiation on one scale is generally preceded by radiation of smaller scale in synchronicity (phase shift exists due to scale difference). Thus, your brain might not be emitting and absorbing radiation at the soul's scale but also at the standard electro-magnetic scale. Since conarium is embedded in blood/CSF, due to presence of hydrogen ions, all it takes to generate electro-magnetic pulses is for the liquid with ions to periodically rotate around the conarium. This is exactly what happens during rinse cycles where CSF and blood in the brain exchange periodically. So each life form, or at least those with a brain, generate electric and magnetic fields in the central region, likely aligned with Earth's magnetic field. Each such organism is at some level aware of this field. If it's not used for navigation, then it certainly could be used for communication.
If cancerous mental radiation can cause allergy could it cause other diseases? In my case, it was allergy, but different organisms have different reactions, I am convinced the decrease in quality of mental radiation can be synchronized even with cancer development. If, for example, you find yourself smoking less in wilderness you might want to ask yourself, why am I smoking less here and could it be correlated with the quality of mental radiation? I, for example, do not generally smoke cigarettes and drink alcohol at home, but I generally always smoked cigarettes and drank every time I was in a pub among other people. Thus, I recommend everyone who feels sick to try isolation in the wild for a while, it may make you more appreciate the wilderness and, consequently, your true self, instead of that image you're forced to project every day to satisfy the sick mentality.
One day after I wrote this chapter, I have noticed my allergy receded, it was at least 75% gone. Fascinating. If this was not a result of sudden decrease in negative mental radiation (which I highly doubt), then it is likely the result of my organism fixing the problem - probably by regulating blood pH level which is also mirrored in soul depolarization. Remember that an organism is always a symbiosis of smaller organisms and also a symbiosis of a soul with the body composed of organisms. I also haven't smoked for 10 days, apart from 2 cigarettes yesterday. But now I decided to quit smoking as it is highly likely that it harms animals in my body (perhaps if I didn't smoke these 2 cigars, the allergy would be 100% gone). This is all synchronized.
Note that this does not mean smoking is now forbidden for me - I find it wrong to force my self to quit smoking absolutely. There are no absolute poisons, and this too likely has some benefits in small doses, and at certain occasions - even if it shortens my life. Shortening of life is not always bad, in many cases it is good, it is bad to force people to live long or short. In my case, to quit smoking is to quit doing it automatically - without giving it a thought before each cigarette, or, even better, before every smoke I inhale. Also, reducing pressure - to smoke the whole cigarette at once. Effectively, for me at this point, this means a couple of cigarettes in a month at most. But, at such doses, it would probably be better to also replace cigarettes with cigars.
It seems apparent that, once one becomes aware of its self (soul), how his organism is organized and how it works but also how the disease works, it becomes possible to cure the organism from that disease simply by contemplating it. Meditation shows that, regarding the metabolism, one can induce changes simply by wishing for them through appropriate visualization. My case implies that it is not necessary to fully dedicate yourself to meditation, it can be done on the go by dedicating only a small amount of resources to these tasks.
Note that some animals, such as dolphins, birds and whales, can put some parts of their brain to sleep while they are doing ordinary daily tasks.
Time will tell whether the effects are temporary, like in case of conventional meditation. However, I am sure this can be permanent, albeit with an important requirement for this - the organisms living inside you must be aware of importance of their host to them so they work in a sustainable way for mutual benefit rather than for their own selfish short-term interests which would eventually destroy you both. And since the collective inside you is a reflection of a collective you're externally part of, you cannot expect these organisms to keep you healthy if you yourself work against your own host organism (Earth). It is also not enough for you to stop being selfish yourself and stop directly harming your host, you need to also stop supporting those who harm it. Note that this might not work if forced (at least not in the long-term). I came into this state naturally by truly understanding and truly believing in such mechanics of universes. I certainly do wish it works for everyone.
Goodbye and good riddance to allergy.

A couple of hours from that moment I decided to quit smoking in order not to harm creatures inside my body, the symptoms of allergy were 100% gone. I am amazed and I feel like we're finally at the verge of truly understanding each other. So here I am healing my self with thoughts alone and people out there call me crazy and consider insane for believing that my soul was once inside the bodies of Jesus and Newton, while at the same time they don't even know where their own soul is, let alone how it works. Some even doubt they have a soul. It's a good thing then that I decided to listen people inside my head and my body instead of these lunatics. I will never regret that. Finally, it feels good to be introverted. I am aware though, that, due to general oscillation, it is possible this allergy will be back again, but if it does it will be for shorter and shorter periods of time and of lower intensity (some guys inside might still doubt my good intentions and it is possible I might still harm them in some way, but that should not be a problem now that we can communicate, if I do something wrong they can show me some symptoms and I should figure it out). The current absence of allergy then could be interpreted as a precursor of a complete cure, but I have no doubt that I will be cured in the end, if I am not already. In any case, if you want to cure yourself from a disease, you shouldn't take pills and block the symptoms - you're blocking communication and further alienating yourself from your people and understanding of your organism, while at the some time becoming more dependent on external, more complicated and more expensive, care (maintenance). That only leads to more and more diseases, more complicated and expensive life for you. No pharmacy can understand your organism nor cure it better than you can.
We have all been trained to care for things, people and creatures of external reality. The irony is, this distancing from internal reality of our bodies and our selves is making us less able to truly feel love and care for both external and internal, it forces us to fake it in an automated way. Thus, the care and love become more and more superficial while intelligence becomes more and more artificial. On subconsciousness and internal regulation Consciousness has an unlimited number of sublevels, but it is impossible to be aware of all of them. Effectively, one is thus effectively generally limited to only a couple of sublevels. Subconsciousness is responsible for various tasks which, from the perspective of consciousness, are automated - with the amount of determinism proportional to the depth of subconsciousness. Shallow levels of subconsciousness are those one uses in externally expressed routines. For example, consider the task of computer programming. One may write the code only to satisfy the required functionality with no regard to its security and may or may not choose to fix the security holes later. But one may also write secure code from the start. This, however, requires additional thinking during the coding. This thinking may occur on a conscious level but with experience it will become more and more automated, becoming a part of subconscious routines. Somewhat deeper levels of subconsciousness regulate internal functions of the body, such as the metabolism. As evidence shows, these may be accessed and altered during meditation. But what if it is possible to store this ability of meditation on some subconscious level as a routine and make it run on that level during daily life operation? This is exactly what I believe I have accomplished curing my allergy - on some sublevel, a routine for alternative blood pH regulation was stored and runs periodically [or synchronized with some signal] to overwrite the default routine.
This state might also be achievable by taking stronger psychoactive substances (ie. ayahuasca). I, however, have no experience with such substances, but I am convinced one needs to attain a deeper understanding of the nature and mechanics of universes for any permament changes to be induced in the organism. After I did some research on ayahuasca, it appears that the transformation and the phenomena I have been experiencing starting from age 36 is similar to effects of ayahuasca (spiritual awakening, soul rebirth, communication with non-human beings, ...). This clearly shows that attaining knowledge of universes can affect the brain in profound ways. Obviously, one must go beyond the current knowledge of mainstream physics to achieve such state. However, it is likely not enough to learn this knowledge in conventional way, rather one must attain and experience it similar to the way I did. If that is true, learning about universes should be synchronized with changes in personality. I have attained this higher state of being through development of Complete Relativity and I interpret this as yet another evidence that its postulates and hypothesis on nature and mechanics of universes are indeed correct. Perhaps that feeling of non-belonging to this world that followed me from my early days has now validated itself and it was meant to encourage me to search for my world inside rather than outside of my being.
It might take a while before this becomes fully automatic (so the allergy will be coming back but with less and less intensity) but it should eventually. Over the course of evolution such routine may even replace the old one to become default. In fact, I believe the next event of strong evolution will make this change permanent for me and likely for all neutralum individuals (as a precursor, I may just be one of the first ones to experience it). Note that each level of subconsciousness should be associated with some internal organ[ism] or symbiosis of organisms at some scale so this still requires their will or consent to run the new routine. So if you, as an individual, are not open[-minded] to new things and paradigms, due to reflected nature, the creatures inside you will not be open-minded too and may not accept the new routines. All this can be interpreted as an act of strong synchronicity - where my wishes are synchronized with wishes of organisms inside me, or an act of conscious communication in symmetric symbiosis where parties are acting on mutual and equal benefit. Redefinition of success For a long time and still up to the time of this writing, the definition of success in human society is generally correlated with money, material possessions, marriage and titles. And, if for some reason, that doesn't make you happy, you are instructed to go see a doctor whose magical pills will make it all easier for you to suffer through. Living in such systems, naturally, I was also trained to follow the path of such success. But, following that path, although I did feel some satisfaction in earning my first money, with more and more of such success I was feeling less and less satisfied and more and more depressed. On top of that, during my marriage, I was becoming less and less synchronized with my wife. All that was making me miserable. The worst part was that this depression was affecting my intelligence. Even my passion for programming waned, which wouldn't be a problem was it replaced by a passion for something else. But it didn't. Eventually, even my marriage broke up and I felt like dying, being occasionally brought to life by the presence of my child. The other thing that kept me going were walks in the woods and mountains, often with a search for mushrooms. I was slowly learning more and more about nature. But living close to my ex wife and all the things I was supposed to left behind me, it was hard to focus on now, instead of bringing the past from subconsciousness into focus. Coupled with the fact that my work was gone and I needed money to support the child, that resulted in a move to Zagreb. A place not close to my ex wife but also not too far from my son. This indeed proved to be a good decision for my health (although I am now convinced this move was synchronized with changes in my organism and consequently improvement in health). In any case, this move could not have been avoided. Ever since I was a child, I always felt that one day I am going to achieve something significant and I felt this was going to be the understanding of the universe. The problem is, the system trained me to concentrate on its definition of my success (which conveniently can be exploited by it) and, even though I always followed science and occasionally contemplated on the universe, I never had the time to fully focus on it and do work which would actually make me feel happy. I realized I have to change that. That is why I didn't search for high salary, but a job easy for me to do and also one with no overtimes and high pressure. The job at NSK was perfect for that. And even though I had to be there 40 hours per week, since the job was not very challenging for me, there would often be time for me to work on my theories beside doing the job for them. Finally, now I felt I was on the path to success. I still had a job so I still wasn't successful, but I knew I will eventually quit jobs so I can do satisfying work. Two years after I did that, I felt my theories were mature enough for publishing so I have created a website where I started presenting my works. At this point, there's virtually no one listening, but I'm not really advertising my works. I do not doubt its quality and I believe it will eventually reach its audience. In any case, I am convinced the universe has already found a way for it to reach my next incarnation, if one more of me is destined to roam the surface of this perfect child we call our planet.